We were sitting around attempting to watch "Star Wars: Uncut," but becoming more and more disenchanted by the moment, when a knock sounded at our door. 7:30 PM on a Monday, what on earth?
My husband went to answer it, consequently letting about half the heat out of the apartment.
The guy on the other side said, without so much as a greeting: "I take it you wouldn't be interested in a free personality test?"
My husband, as led, of course declined.
Talk about setting yourself up for failure.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Tragedy
I lose a lot of people. I manage to maintain a lot of people too, but a lot of them just slip through my fingers. Some vanish due to death, some just disappear from the face of my world and I can't locate them, some merely stop talking to me and I never know why. I suppose that's just how some people function, they just drift through other people's lives.
This most recent one probably hurts the most.
My best friend took his own life on Thursday.
He told me in an email he sent on Monday that he'd talk to me later, that he had to get up early in the morning. He'd asked me a question about the weather where I am, I hadn't answered him yet. I was waiting to get enough time to write him a proper letter, and maybe give him a phone call.
He's gone now. He won't talk to me later.
Prior to that email, I sent him a text regretfully informing him that I couldn't meet up with him before we left his geographical vicinity due to the craziness in packing.
His response:
I have some anger in me that he didn't stay in touch. One little email is not staying in touch. I don't know that I could have done anything if he did, but he could have tried. Nothing he had done previously was worth him taking his own life. Nothing is ever worth that.
But I'm also so, so sad.
We tried to help him every way we could. He'd helped us over the years, and we genuinely wanted to do him a good turn as well.
He made some really, truly, bad decisions, but they weren't insurmountable. They culminated with the worst one of all, which is completely insurmountable and absolutely final.
I've had moments when I've wondered why I'm alive - but as a teenager I read this fantastic excerpt from a self-help book called "Lost in the Cosmos" by Walker Percy. I later even bought the book.
Taken as a choice between living and dying - knowing it is a choice, not assuming that one is more or less valid than the other - God, to live! To breathe and smile and run and laugh and cook and eat! To hear my son's laughter, to have sex, even to feel this awful pain, what an amazing option!
I choose life.
I'm so, so sad you didn't, dear one.
This most recent one probably hurts the most.
My best friend took his own life on Thursday.
He told me in an email he sent on Monday that he'd talk to me later, that he had to get up early in the morning. He'd asked me a question about the weather where I am, I hadn't answered him yet. I was waiting to get enough time to write him a proper letter, and maybe give him a phone call.
He's gone now. He won't talk to me later.
Prior to that email, I sent him a text regretfully informing him that I couldn't meet up with him before we left his geographical vicinity due to the craziness in packing.
His response:
January 6
Katrina, I'm sorry we can't get together. I love you all but you are my best friend. I will stay in touch. The new place is fine not a home. Bye.
I have some anger in me that he didn't stay in touch. One little email is not staying in touch. I don't know that I could have done anything if he did, but he could have tried. Nothing he had done previously was worth him taking his own life. Nothing is ever worth that.
But I'm also so, so sad.
We tried to help him every way we could. He'd helped us over the years, and we genuinely wanted to do him a good turn as well.
He made some really, truly, bad decisions, but they weren't insurmountable. They culminated with the worst one of all, which is completely insurmountable and absolutely final.
I've had moments when I've wondered why I'm alive - but as a teenager I read this fantastic excerpt from a self-help book called "Lost in the Cosmos" by Walker Percy. I later even bought the book.
Taken as a choice between living and dying - knowing it is a choice, not assuming that one is more or less valid than the other - God, to live! To breathe and smile and run and laugh and cook and eat! To hear my son's laughter, to have sex, even to feel this awful pain, what an amazing option!
I choose life.
I'm so, so sad you didn't, dear one.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Random moment with my husband
He's talking about a Lego site that he's joined and has been adding Lego sets to, while he wanders around the kitchen opening cabinets. He keeps opening and closing all of the doors, even ones he's opened before.
"What are you looking for?" I finally ask him.
He stops talking, looks at me. "A cup," he says simply, as if it were already bloody obvious what he was looking for.
I point to several sitting on the table.
"Oh," he says, a bit of shameface showing.
"First blog post, right there!" I exclaim, pointing my browser to this mostly empty blog.
"Don't start a blog based on my inadequacies!"
Good thing that's not what I did.
"What are you looking for?" I finally ask him.
He stops talking, looks at me. "A cup," he says simply, as if it were already bloody obvious what he was looking for.
I point to several sitting on the table.
"Oh," he says, a bit of shameface showing.
"First blog post, right there!" I exclaim, pointing my browser to this mostly empty blog.
"Don't start a blog based on my inadequacies!"
Good thing that's not what I did.
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